Domestic Security: A Dialogue
The dog is standing at the window, positively vibrating with irritation.
"What's all this barking about?" I ask.
"Squirrels!" she replies (I speak Dog).
I look out the window, and sure enough, there's a big fat squirrel sitting in the back right corner of the yard, at the foot of a big maple tree.
"Squirrels!" she says again. "They're a threat to our security!"
"Yes, there are squirrels. What do you plan to do about it?"
"Well, you're going to open the door, and I'm going to race to the back left corner of the yard, by the big oak tree. And catch the squirrels. They squeak!"
"That's a terrible plan. The squirrel is in the back right corner of the yard, by the maple tree. If you run to the oak tree, it will just go right up the maple, and be gone before you even get close."
"They're tricksy squirrels! Evil squirrels! A threat to our way of life!"
"Yes, fine. But they're in the back right corner of the yard. Not the left."
"They're Leftist squirrels. They squeak! Let me out!"
"They can be Leftist squirrels, if you want, but they're to the right out the door. Got that?"
"Right. Let me out!"
I open the back door, and she rockets out into the yard. To the oak tree in the back left corner. Meanwhile, the squirrel at the foot of the maple tree off to the right bolts up the tree, and leaps from branch to branch all the way out of the yard.
"Stupid tricksy squirrels!" she says, coming back empty-handed.
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