Conan Doyle, Arthur: (05) The Hound of the Baskervilles

I finished a complete draft of the 60 page Memorandum of Law that’s due Monday in my case from hell, and also went over the proofs for my Note (coincidentally, the prior thing I wrote that was 60 pages long, only I had a semester to do it, not a month). So, since I was so productive today, I am going to book log.

On the way back from Vegas, I read The Hound of the Baskervilles. I can hear you saying it now—”weren’t you just complaining about not having time to read the new books you really wanted to? Why didn’t you read one of those on the plane?” Well, yes, I did have time in the hours when my laptop battery ran out, but I wasn’t really in any state to concentrate fully on fiction, and didn’t think I could do justice to the long-awaited books. So, Sherlock Holmes: far less demanding while still being entertaining.

This was the best of the lot so far, I think. Doyle cheats much less in this story than in some of the others, and it’s fun watching Watson sleuthing off on the moors. Mostly he does quite a creditable job, though I was amused to spot the Number One Suspect based on one of the assumptions he makes—character development indeed. It’s still not an entirely fair mystery, since a good number of the necessary facts are gathered off-screen, but it does seem to make sense all the way through, at least. Definitely worth reading, though part of the fun of it is seeing how Watson’s grown since the early stories, so I’m not sure I’d recommend it as a starting point.

And now, having book logged, I am going to bed.

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Pratchett, Terry: (26) Thief of Time (re-read); (29) Night Watch

I had been putting off reading Terry Pratchett’s new Discworld book, Night Watch, because I was afraid that it would suck up too much of my valuable sleep time while I was so busy. The night I found out I passed the bar, though, one of my rewards to myself was a super-quick read through it: now I knew what happened, and could re-read at my leisure.

Of course, during the re-read, I got some bad personal news that made this just a bit darker than I wanted to be reading at the time. I’d been planning to re-read Thief of Time anyway, because I was intrigued by Pam’s comments about the History Monks. (Also, I particularly like this one, as I’ve said earlier.) The Monks actually first appear in Small Gods, where their stated purpose is to make sure history happens correctly, as it is written down in a bunch of big books. Of course, the monk in question doesn’t seem to feel particularly bound by what is written (perhaps taking a cue from Adam in Good Omens, who opines that “I don’t see why it matters what is written. Not when it’s about people. It can always be crossed out.”), with History none the worse for the wear as a result. Pam’s correct that, put that way, the History Monks really don’t fit in with either the Discworld or with the philosophy Pratchett seems to be espousing in the Discworld books. I’d be curious if Pratchett realized that and tried to backpedal somewhat, because in Thief, we’re told that yes, history is written down, but by the founding Monk who saw it all—which makes it sound a little less deterministic to me, if it’s just one person’s idea of history. Also, though originally their job was to see that history happened the right way, both Thief and Night Watch claim that, at present, it’s apparently all they can do just to make sure that history keeps happening at all. I do think that the History Monks don’t fit all that well with the Discworld, but neither do a lot of things that showed up in earlier books, so I’m willing to roll with it a bit. (Pam’s other spoiler complaint doesn’t bother me, because I’m willing to believe that it all makes sense in eighteen dimensions. Or something.)

The bad personal news got somewhat better later, and I was able to go back to re-reading Night Watch. As any number of people have said before me (Martin Wisse, Mike “no permalinks” Kozlowski, Chad, and Michael Dirda of the Washington Post, plus Pam), this book tells how Sam Vimes gets transported back in time while chasing a psychopath. The psychopath gets transported too, promptly kills an important person in Vimes’ life, and Vimes suddenly finds himself having to teach everything he knows to, well, himself.

The present-day sections of this book are just beautifully done, absolutely pitch-perfect. (I particularly like the line “Usually—always—there was a part of Vimes that watched the other parts, because he was at heart a policeman. This time it wasn’t there.” I know the feeling, though I can’t say it’s a career I’d be good at.) The past sections do have some wonderful moments, such as when we meet younger versions of well-known Discworld characters. The best, of course, is the Patrician as a young man. His repsonse to his aunt’s comment, “I do think Dog-Botherer is an unpleasant nickname”? “When your name is Vetinari, Madam, you’re happy enough if it’s merely Dog-Botherer.” I have this horrible urge to re-read all the Watch books now, as I remember very little about them—such as whether we’ve met Madam before, and why I thought Vetinari was considerably older than portrayed here . . . Perhaps in January, after I’ve disposed of the new books that I have no time for now (the new Brust, on its way from Amazon, and The Prize in the Game, which is flippin’ dedicated to me—it is truly wrong that I’m too busy to read that at the moment.)

However, I’m not sure that the past sections (which makes up almost all of the book) work overall. For some vague, indefinable reason, they don’t seem to me to cohere in terms of plot. Unfortunately, I can’t define it any more precisely than that. *shrug* Sorry. Maybe someday when my brain isn’t trying to crawl out my ear, I will re-read and be able to figure out what’s bothering me about it.

In other news, the US covers of the Discworld books: still ugly. The UK cover: done by the guy who did the art for The Last Hero, and very nice. That is all.

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Conan Doyle, Arthur: (04) The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes; [personal] passing the bar exam

I was going to start talking about The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes by saying that it was good bedtime reading for when one is vibrating with stress and going crazy because one is overworked. And it is. However, while I am still (presently) overworked, I really don’t care today, because

I passed the bar exam!

*bounces up and down some more*

(I’ve been doing that all day, off and on. I found out this morning, waiting for the elevators at work; one opened up and disgorged a bunch of my co-workers going off to Special Term (court, that is). One of them said “congratulations”; I said, “what—wait—no, I don’t believe you.” He told me they were online and went off to court, and I waited for the next elevator (having missed theirs in my bogglement) and checked for myself. It’s not that I thought he was lying to me, but I couldn’t believe it until I saw for myself.)

Anyway, back to booklogging. By coincidence, the first story in Memoirs is possibly the work of fiction most often cited in legal documents. I speak, of course, of “The Adventure of Silver Blaze” and the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. (Not only does it get cited all the time, but I could swear that I once read a judge’s opinion that chided people for thinking that the dog in question was the eponymous Hound of the Baskervilles. However, a quick Lexis search doesn’t seem to turn it up.) It’s a pretty good story, though I have my doubts about just how anonymous a horse like Silver Blaze could be made to be. (Speaking of citing, I’m not really clear why it’s usually cited as just “Silver Blaze”; my edition is a facsimile reprint of its first publication in The Strand, and the title there is “The Adventure of.”)

I’d like “The Adventure of the Yellow Face” considerably better if it didn’t have such a completely idiotic premise. It’s included as an example of Holmes being just dead wrong, and that’s lovely. However, the “right” conclusion is so factually absurd that he probably couldn’t have figured it out regardless, which does detract from the effect. As a general matter, though, I find it vastly amusing when Holmes refers to Watson’s printed reports, complaining that he gives the wrong impression to his readers and so on. It’s a level of self-referential irony that I hadn’t expected to find in these.

Of course, I do get the sense that Doyle was just making it up as he went along. For instance, in “The Adventure of the Greek Interpreter,” suddenly Holmes sprouts a brother—not even an estranged brother, but one who refers cases to him occasionally. And then there’s Professor Moriarty, who, I suspect, was created just to give Doyle a chance to kill Holmes off. That’s a pity, because I think more Moriarty stories would have been entertaining (after all, the Zeck sequence in the Nero Wolfe books is, and Zeck certainly owes a lot to Moriarty).

Those quibbles aside, these were useful and enjoyable ways to unwind for the evening. Now, I must go and think about what restaurant to choose for tomorrow night’s celebration.

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Snicket, Lemony: (03) The Wide Window

Over breakfast this morning I read The Wide Window, the third book in Lemony Snicket’s “A Series of Unfortunate Events.” There’s really not much to say about these once you’ve read a few, so I’ll refer you all to Pam’s review and leave you with some legal advice:

Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it might be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it.

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Macdonald, James D., and Debra Doyle: (01) “Stealing God”

While we were out picking up the extended DVD of The Fellowship of the Ring, we also got a copy of Tales of the Knights Templar, edited by Katherine Kurtz, which has the first Peter Crossman story, “Stealing God.” Unlike The Apocalypse Door, this one is co-written by Debra Doyle and James D. Macdonald. (I think it was a mistake to read this story after spending several hours immersed in the extended version of FotR and appendices; Crossman was briefly looking like Viggo Mortensen in my head, which is particularly wrong considering that Mortensen once played Lucifer.)

Because this is a short story, I really noticed all the allusions that made me say, “Huh?” Among the things I googled on after reading it were the Cathars and Rennes-le-Château (“I was working the security leak at Rennes-le-Château when the word came down. The Rennes flub was over a hundred years old, but the situation needed constant tending to keep people off the scent. That’s the thing about botches. They never go away.”). It makes me wonder what references I was missing in The Apocalypse Door. I also looked up the Meditation Room at the United Nations, where, according to Crossman, that big hunk of rock is actually the Grail: “We could never hide the fact that there was a Grail, or that it was holy, but for a long time we tried to get people to go looking for dinnerware. Then someone talked. Somehow, somewhere, there was a leak. And blunders, like I said, never go away.”

All the crunchy goodness of The Apocalypse Door is present here in smaller form: ancient secret societies, double-crosses, danger and dead people, assassin nuns (okay, just one, but that’s enough), and Crossman’s First Person Hardboiled Narration. I feel sort of guilty for not reading the rest of the anthology, but I’m just not interested in the Knights Templar as a general proposition.

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Macdonald, James D.: (04) The Apocalypse Door

I knew I had to read James D. Macdonald’s The Apocalypse Door right from its opening paragraphs:

When Dante Alighieri wrote his guided tour of Hell one of the stops was the infernal city of Dis: the home of Pandemonium, all of the demons. Dante’s a great source if you want to figure out whether being an adulterer is better or worse than being an oathbreaker, but he doesn’t have the authority of Gospel. Dante said that the lowest circle of Hell is frozen, for example. Me, I don’t believe it.

Newark, New Jersey, isn’t the City of Dis, but it could play the part on TV without having to spend a lot of time in rehearsals. By day, Newark’s crowded and noisy and polluted, full of too many people going places too fast in pursuit of money or power or pleasure. By night it’s all that and dark as well, with danger waiting in the shadows to catch the unwary.

I’d just finished a job in Canada, checking out a report of Black Masses being celebrated, and was on a get-well tour in New York, staying in a midtown Manhattan hotel and waiting for the stitches to come out. Breakfast was Eggs Benedict. When I’m on the Temple’s expense account I don’t spare my coronary arteries.

Yeah, I’m a Knight of the Temple. We didn’t go away in the fourteenth century, no matter what Philip the Fair tried to pull. The Order has a mission and we’re carrying it out. To protect holy places, travelers in holy places, and certain relics. Straightforward. You’d think that people would let us just get on with it.

I read the first chapter on the author’s website, and when I hit “Yeah, I’m a Knight of the Temple,” I said out loud, “We are so buying this.” And we did.

Chad beat me to reading it, the day it arrived from Amazon, by the simple expedient of picking it up while my back was turned to check my e-mail. I see from the comments to his booklog entry that a couple of people have already decided to check this out. If you weren’t hooked by the opening or Chad’s review, let me take another shot at convincing you that you really do need to read this book.

The initial setup should be fairly obvious from that quotation: the story is narrated in First Person Hardboiled by Peter Crossman (not his original name), a warrior priest in the innermost circle of the Temple. He gets tapped to investigate a longshot lead in the disappearance of some UN peacekeepers: a warehouse in Newark with unusually serious security. It’s expected to be an easy job; it’s even going to serve as an on-the-job evaluation of a new Knight. When they break in, they don’t find the bodies of the missing peacekeepers; what they do find, growing in a crate, is something like mushroom stalks. That bleed when broken and recoil at the sign of the Cross.

This book is impressive because it manages to come up with wacky situations like eeeevil fungi (at one point while reading, I got up for a drink of water and commented to Chad, “Running the good cop/bad cop on a talking brass head . . . !”) while still taking its characters seriously. The warrior priest thing isn’t just a gag (or the assassin nun thing either—did I mention Sister Mary Magdalene of the Special Action Executive of the Poor Clares?), but part of the characters all the way down. Crossman gets caught in an ethical bind when his would-be assassin tells him, under the seal of the confessional, that she intends to kill him; discovers that giving last rites to someone who’s has his face sliced off is somewhat awkward; and asks if the dead people who just tried to kill him made good confessions earlier in the day. As you’d expect from a good sf writer, the implications of the setup have been thoroughly worked out. Which is not to say that there isn’t a joke in it sometimes.

I glanced over at Maggie. “Say, Mags—if this doesn’t work, when I get out of Purgatory do you mind if I look you up?”

She took my meaning. In Heaven there’s no marriage or giving in marriage, but no one ever said that there isn’t any fooling around.

I should also note that there’s a backstory thread interwoven with the present-day chapters. It does actually have a point, so stick with it at least the first time through. (I admit that when the point arrived, I wanted to pat the character on the head and say, “Don’t worry. It’s all ineffable,” but I suspect that the character hasn’t read Good Omens.)

Finally, it has a nifty cover (big image at Amazon, which is being weird again and claiming it’s not yet published.). At first glance, it looks like a fairly standard action/mystery cover: guy in shadow holding big guns against a vaguely flame-like background. Look closer, though: that’s a priest’s collar and a crucifix, not a tie, and a cathedral in the background.

The Apocalypse Door is a short, fast, tight book that’s just a heck of a lot of fun. Go read it. (And then read the Mageworlds books too, while you’re at it.)

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Smith, Sherwood: Wren to the Rescue; Wren’s Quest; Wren’s War

Sherwood Smith’s Wren Trilogy (Wren to the Rescue, Wren’s Quest, Wren’s War) ought to be really good, but it isn’t, and I can’t put my finger on why, which is annoying. (And no, it’s not just the cold pills, because I started reading these before the cold.) These are YA novels that appear to be comprehensively out of print; I got them out of the library.

Wren is an orphan who dreams of adventure. At the start of the series, she discovers that someone in the orphanage is really a princess in disguise—her best friend, not her. Tess (Princess Teressa) has been hidden in the orphanage because a wicked ruler threatened to kidnap any child of her father’s. Now, her parents think it’s safe to start bringing her out of hiding. They are, of course, wrong. Tess is almost immediately kidnapped, and it’s (you guessed it) Wren to the rescue. Along the way, Wren discovers she has an aptitude for magic. In the second book, Wren goes questing for her family. As an adopted kid, I’m rather sensitive to treatments of this topic, but it’s handled fairly well here. Meanwhile, back at the ranch [*], the court is experiencing an unusual level of tension; not only that, but Wren and Connor, her companion, find themselves pursued by sinister types. In the third book, there is indeed a war, though it’s not only Wren’s.

Wren is a great character, unaffected and full of cheerful pragmatism. She very vaguely reminds me of Lyra in Pullman’s His Dark Materials books, only less feral (bearing in mind that it’s been a while since I read those). Tess isn’t bad either, at least at first; I started disliking her towards the end of the second book, because while all the characters make mistakes, hers towards the end of the second and in the third seemed particularly stupid to me. The other two main characters are Tyron and Connor, who help the rescue in the first book and end up becoming friends with Wren and Tess. (Connor, in the usual fashion of inbred royal families, is also Tess’s half-uncle. The family tree in the front of the books is pretty scary at first glance, but it’s there for a reason.)

So there’s a good lead character, magic, and intrigue; what’s wrong with these? I wish I could say. I think it might have something to do with their incluing. (As in, how they clue a reader in. Jo Walton’s term.) A number of times I found myself saying, “Where did that come from?” Sometimes I’m not the most careful reader, but I’m pretty sure that I would have noticed these things if they’d been mentioned earlier. Parts of the plot aren’t sufficiently in the foreground, perhaps. I can’t quite articulate it, which inability is perhaps making more annoyed with these than I ought to be. Anyway, much as I enjoyed the Exordium series, I can’t really say I recommend these.

[*] There’s a lot of transitions of the form “just as X was doing Y, Z was doing Q elsewhere” in these. Normally, I would never notice this, but thanks to Lemony Snicket, every time I came across one, a voice at the back of my skull said, “Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . . “

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Lackey, Mercedes: Take a Thief

I’ve mostly stopped reading new books by Mercedes Lackey, but Take a Thief looked like it might be acceptably mindless lunchtime reading, so I took it out of the library. When we first met Skif in Arrows of the Queen, there was a throwaway comment about his past that suggested there was more to him than was immediately apparent. Take a Thief tells that story, describing Skif’s life as a, well, thief, and his first experiences as a Herald-Trainee.

I actually finished this almost a week ago, but I’ve been very busy and haven’t had time to log it. Of course, that busyness is probably why I came home early with a cold (not an ear infection, according to the doctor, which is something at least). Anyway, this was almost a perfectly serviceable book. The first half or so is the sort of how-to that I find oddly soothing, even if it’s “how to survive on the street by stealing.” The second half is sort of a how-to as well, “how to seek revenge while starting at Herald’s Collegium.” And it’s less twee than much of Lackey, though the big temptation scene at the end is badly overdone.

However. I hate, loathe, and despise dialogue written in dialect. And almost every spoken line in the first half is, well, here’s a sample from a random page: “What’s doin’s?” “Dunno fer certain-sure. Summun sez a couple toughs come in an’ wrecked t’place, summun sez no, ’twas a fight, an’ ev’un sez summun’s croaked, or near it.” There’s more to that exchange, but I can’t bear to type it. If I wasn’t an accomplished text skimmer, I would never have made it through this, and I can’t say that I’d recommend it to anyone over the age of 13.

And now the cold pills are starting to kick in, so I think I’m going to go lie down and read something else.

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Gorey, Edward: Amphigorey (omnibus)

It seems appropriate to log Edward Gorey’s Amphigorey on Halloween; I’ve been meaning to do it for a while but never got around to it, plus I dipped into The Unstrung Harp a night or two ago. This is a collection of fifteen books, including the only two Goreys I’d heard of before, The Gashlycrumb Tinies and The Curious Sofa.

I really enjoyed The Unstrung Harp, or, Mr Earbrass Writes a Novel. I love the way all the characters have these flat hammer-heads protruding forward from their necks and no eyelids; they look so comically, tragically anxious. (Amazon has some illustrations; try the covers and page 5.) And the writing is wonderful:

Mr Earbrass has been rashly skimming through the early chapters, which he has not looked at for months, and now sees TUH for what it is. Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful. He must be mad to go on enduring the unexquisite agony of writing when it all turns out drivel. Mad. Why didn’t he become a spy? How does one become one? He will burn the MS. Why is there no fire? Why aren’t there the makings of one? How did he get in the unused room on the third floor?

As far as the rest of the works: I think there’s just something about graphical depictions that I’m really susceptible to. Prose stories, no problem—with the exception of The Shining, no book I’ve ever read has really frightened me. But I don’t watch movies that are even very tense (for instance, at some point most of the way through Unbreakable, I realized I was just Not Enjoying Myself, and so I shut my eyes for the rest), and I was really rather creeped out by much of Amphigorey. And not just because, according to The Gashlycrumb Tinies, “K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.” There really does seem to be something about having the images that goes straight to my backbrain.

Of course, a whole lot of these are objectively dark. Besides The Gashlycrumb Tinies, there’s The Hapless Child, which is about just that; The Insect God, in which we meet, very briefly, another hapless child; The Listing Attic, a series of limericks which includes “There was a young curate whose brain / Was deranged from the use of cocaine; / He lured a small child / To a copse dark and wild, / Where he beat it to death with his cane.” (The illustration for that one is particularly chilling.) Some of the limericks are in French, so I can’t understand them, but I bet they aren’t any cheerier.

Even The Curious Sofa, “a pornographic work by Ogdred Weary,” was disturbing, all the more so because everything is presented by implication. This is mostly amusing, as when we are told that Alice, “Looking out the window[,] saw Herbert, Albert, and Harold, the gardener, an exceptionally well-made youth, disporting themselves on the lawn. They were soon joined by Donald, Herbert’s singularly well-favoured sheepdog, and many were the giggles and barks that came from the shrubbery.” (All of the men are well-set-up, or well-shaped, or whatnot. When I mentioned this to Chad, he said, “Gorey was gay, you know.” Well, I didn’t.) Almost all of the prose, taken alone, is quite innocuous, and visually, there isn’t a naughty bit (as my former First Amendment professor, regrettably, would say) to be seen. So one’s imagination is free to roam. Unfortunately, I’m not creative enough to imagine what the “Lithuanian Typewriter” might be, so I’m instead left to contemplate the sentence “Still later Gerald did a terrible thing to Elsie with a saucepan,” and the truly vicious smile on Gerald’s face as he lunges out of the frame. And, of course, the sofa of the title.

This is all a long way of saying that I don’t like creepy stories with someone else’s visuals attached. If you aren’t as susceptible to that as I am, I do recommend this. (Chad also liked it, and commented about it on his book log.) As I said, The Unstrung Harp is great, and even the books I didn’t much care for have a very distinctive wit (I confess to being somewhat fond of “M is for Maud who was swept out to sea / N is for Neville who died of ennui”).

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Coville, Bruce: Into the Land of the Unicorns; Song of the Wanderer

After finishing The Sign of Four, I gave some children’s books by Bruce Coville a shot, specifically the first two books of the Unicorn Chronicles, Into the Land of the Unicorns and Song of the Wanderer. I’d vaguely heard good things about Coville for a while, but never read any of his stuff. Chad’s mom went to a breakfast presentation by him last week, and snagged a book for us. Unfortunately, it was the second book, but she also had the first one around—which is incredibly short, so it was no problem to read it while I was lounging around Sunday.

These might be good, but I’m too old for them—which was somewhat of a surprise to me, considering the amount of YA stuff I read. On the other hand, these are children’s books, not YA books, and it does make a difference. For one thing, they’re twee. I mean, unicorns: not your interestingly revised unicorns à la Pamela Dean’s Secret Country books, either, but your standard beautiful sparkly noble healing unicorns. Also, the prose kept calling Thog’s Masterclass to mind. One line from the first book stuck in my mind: after a unicorn clears a pond with his horn, we are told that drinking the water “was like drinking diamonds.” Ouch.

There are a few interesting things about these: a nice throwaway line in the first about the dual nature of chains, for instance, and a pretty good conceit behind the main villain. But mostly I’m just too old for these, too old and too cynical to not see the plot twists coming from a mile away, to put up with the twee worldbuilding, and to overlook the level of the prose.

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